Well, here we are

It is past midnight and I can't sleep, so here I am. The show has opened and it was, well, an opening. Nani and Kelvin performed excellently. Alvin had some problems initially, but thought quickly on his feet and devised some good saves, so all went well in my opinion. Gavin spitting nails, but that is what he normally does on opening night. Self ho-hum. I believe I did better last night. Nell was around and laughed a lot. Always a fine thing to hear The Nell Laugh. Listen to Beauty and the Beast on RedFM weekday mornings for more of the Laugh. Hah. Nell, see, I got plug your show on the blog. Me so clever.

For those of you who didn't come tonight, here is what happened:

Thor messaged me at about 7.16pm. This is what he said: "Dont let d hair grow baldy. N remember d 1st line u limp dick. I'll b listening."

It's good to know that one has friends. I wish this were a Fringe production of Endgame and he were playing Nagg. Emasculated prick. Btw, hallo Cindy. Did you enjoy the show?

Took a while to put make-up on. Foundation. What the hell is that? Never mind. Then eye-shadow. Okey-dokey. Right as rain. Then Jia-Wei says Idiot you forgot to put on the white powder. Hah? You didn't say white powder yesterday, etc etc.

Then Gavin says "everyone on stage. I have sixty-three years of tosh to spout at you" so off we go and listen. Thankfully, I don't have my glasses on, so I can't see the ugly prat. Then go back to dressing room to work out what "white powder" is. Jia-Wei has inconveniently disappeared. Then realise that I'm bald. Make up goes on the whole head, not just the face. Say a few dignified words in Old French.

Then say to Alvin: Oi cepatlah shee-shee. Or was that yesterday? Don't remember.

Then Lawrence says "Nmrvsthshte" or something like that, which roughly translates as "It is now 8.15, doors will open in ten minutes." So, blind as a bat (because no glasses), I grope my way to props table, pick up the crap I am obliged to brandish, then grope my way to chair with help of Lawrence. Sit there for quite a while.

Then play starts and everything goes upside down for about 80 minutes.

Play over. Grope way back to dressing room. Take off makeup. Appreciate the things women do. Fail to understand why they do it when they are already so beautiful anyway. Hah.

Go outside. Run into some very nice people who enjoyed the show. It was nice of them to say they liked it.

Next, run into the hyperactive FireAngel and Suanie. Do the obligatory camwhore thing, complete with back-to-front up-yours salute. You can no doubt see it on their blogs. FireAngel's hair has grown. She very pretty. Some more, her birthday. Forgot to wish her Happy Birthday, but there you are. I am a prat.

Go upstairs to Joe's Balcony, where Great Party is said to be in progress. Find pitiful desultory whimper instead. Say a few dignified words in Old French. Run into May from the embassy. Temporarily forget who she is (sorrylah May, it has been a few years) and valiantly dig self out of hole. May is quite clever. She is not fooled.

Am very exhausted at this stage.

Run into Rashid (Nani's papa) and Fati (Nani's mama). Yak for a while, but then they have to cabut.

Then want to cabut myself, but Alvin says: "Eh... err... heheh... err... can give me a lift home ah?"

I say: "Why?"

He says: "My car bungkus oready."

I say a few dignified words in Old French.

"Oklah"

Spend the next two hours driving the bugger back through a traffic jam to his house in Muar or somewhere.

Then get home. And here I am. It is past midnight and I can't sleep.