Monday, August 07, 2006

We've come to the end... for now

The show has closed. I sit here at home. Again, it's past midnight and I can't sleep. I am sad for a number of reasons. Endgame... well, I had the best and worst times of my life. I've had the great honour and pleasure of working with a truly excellent group of people, and I will not trade that for anything, but if ever I were asked to play Hamm again in future, I think I'd refuse.

We had a decent last show. After it, we had a Q&A with the audience. Someone asked the very good question: What moral do we, as actors (i.e. as people) take away from Endgame? At the time I'm afraid I hadn't given the question much thought, having concentrated for a long time exclusively on delivering Hamm properly, rather than bringing him (or a part of him) away with me. As a result, I gave a very asinine textbook answer and stole some ideas from Nani and Kelvin. No shame, this Chinaman. I apologise for that.

Here is what I should have said:

Playing Hamm has forced me to re-examine some very basic things in my life. Love. Absence. The utterly unspeakable pain of losing something you never knew you had until you lost it. I can say this with some clarity now because a) it's 1.30am, and b) I am a still a little tipsy from the cast party.

Maybe you'll ask how can acting a character in a play screw you up so much? Maybe you'll ask if life is so pitiably shallow and inconsequential that a mere script can change the way one lives? Moreover, what's there to guarantee that, tomorrow, one won't latch on to something else and, dammit sod, one's back to being the idiot one was all along?

These are valid questions. My answer is that one never stopped being that idiot in the first place and that, having found the Truth, or whatever you want to call it, you also realise simultaneously that it's too late to do anything about it anyway.

So, the moral is this: If you ever have something important to say, say it before you turn to dust and ashes.

Someone loves you, love them back.

12 Comments:

Blogger borgning said...

The fun of bringing a role to life in a play is to able to pretend being someone else for that period of time and forget about our real selves. Unless the role has similar characteristics to the actor.

Great plays always arouse waves of thoughts but we shall not lose ourselves amid the storm in our brains.

It is our indecisiveness and fear of consequences that leads to us sitting on the fence of holding on and letting go, yet bravery is hard to come by nowadays.

Anyway, I am looking forward to more of U-En and Gavin's play in the future.

Well done!

10:11 am  
Anonymous fireangel said...

Yup, I know i'm a big slacker but..... well. Ahem.

http://www.fireangelism.com/archives/150

11:01 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Endgame was my first play, sad to say, after some pathetic 15 years on this planet but anyhow,

You were excellent as Hamm ;DD no shit. Damn regret tak dapat your signature. T.T

I couldn't recall your 'textbook' answer (see lah senile at 15) . . prob cause I was too busy snapping pictures of the awesome stage and all.

You guys so killed the after-effect of the play with the Q&A session, made me laugh so bad I came out of theatre feeling much more elated than the depressed uhm, thing I should've been.

Wait that's not exactly a bad thing is it.

But anyhow, I'd like to say that for a first play, Endgame was definitely an eye-opener. *throws confetti on all of you*

11:56 pm  
Blogger e said...

I always wanted to know what a Beckett-play was like.. always curious about whether I would be able to interpret it and enjoy it.
I'm happy to say that watching Endgame gave me a pretty nice intro to Beckett's works. The whole time I was watching the show, my mind was ticking, trying to figure out what each character was about or represented, what their relationships were reflecting, and I even wondered whether there was some hidden meaning behind the trash cans. hehe
Well, I kinda forgot to read the synopsis of the play before I watched it, so I walked in with no expectations.
But that was where the beauty of the play was for me. After the show, I had in my head a series of interpretations of the play. When I talked about it with other people, it was a lot of fun because finding out what other people were thinking about made the play even more fluid.
And so, it is definitely not a play where you watch, go home, and forget about it. not for me, at least.
Applause to you guys, who managed to pull it off. I think U-en did a great job with Hamm. And I think it was a smart move for Gavin to agree to direct Endgame.
Eesh! there's a whole lot more in my head about Endgame, but I guess this comment box is getting a bit too crampy. hehe

2:45 am  
Anonymous Astrick said...

Andrew, glad you enjoyed the play. It's nice having you as a company. We should do this more often ;)See you soon.

6:36 pm  
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